07 July 2008
Like the proverbial bad penny
The POP Station 'architecture' makes an unwelcome return in the Pro-Pop and "Neo Quad Games" (real name unknown):
Two POP Station clones, a caterpillar, the Godmonster and a whole lotta love. What more do you want, eh?
Oh. Noseybonk. I see.
Two POP Station clones, a caterpillar, the Godmonster and a whole lotta love. What more do you want, eh?
Oh. Noseybonk. I see.
05 June 2008
I fought the controls, and the controls won
It's a review of a horrid Guitar Hero rip-off! Rock on!
Rock off, more like.
Rock off, more like.
01 May 2008
Arse Zone, more like! Hahahaha!
It's our old friends Tiger Electronics again...
And if that wasn't painful enough, here's a bit more:
In a word: Ugh.
And if that wasn't painful enough, here's a bit more:
In a word: Ugh.
11 February 2008
Cartridge Clarification
I've been getting a lot of mail saying I should try to put a Gameboy Advance cartridge into the Vii, as they are the same format. NOT POSSIBLE!
They're not actually the same format. In the video I refer to the Vii VC-1 cartridge as a "Mini GBA cartridge" - this is because it's physically smaller than GBA games.
So, as you can see, I can't plug a GBA cart into the Vii. Or vice versa.
They're not actually the same format. In the video I refer to the Vii VC-1 cartridge as a "Mini GBA cartridge" - this is because it's physically smaller than GBA games.
So, as you can see, I can't plug a GBA cart into the Vii. Or vice versa.
Labels: Review
06 February 2008
Veni et Vidi Vii
Chintendo Vii review! Woo! I mean, Voo!
Since procuring the dreaded Vii incurred a HARSH FINANCIAL PENALTY, I've used it to the max by putting together a further review of the "VC-1" games cartridge that came with it:
And that's not all! In the unlikely event that you're not thoroughly sick of my voice by now, there's even some unused footage!
These two videos are available at my new 'DVD Extras' style thing, extras.ashens.com.
Now, what to do with the Vii? I usually keep the things I review, but this was just too damned expensive. If you're interested in buying it for some reason - e-mail me. Perhaps I can set up a silent auction, or even a Chinese auction. Or something.
Since procuring the dreaded Vii incurred a HARSH FINANCIAL PENALTY, I've used it to the max by putting together a further review of the "VC-1" games cartridge that came with it:
And that's not all! In the unlikely event that you're not thoroughly sick of my voice by now, there's even some unused footage!
These two videos are available at my new 'DVD Extras' style thing, extras.ashens.com.
Now, what to do with the Vii? I usually keep the things I review, but this was just too damned expensive. If you're interested in buying it for some reason - e-mail me. Perhaps I can set up a silent auction, or even a Chinese auction. Or something.
19 December 2007
Kwon is strong
I've been wanting to rip this piece of hideous crap to pieces since I spent £10 on it fifteen years ago.
CATHARSIS ACHIEVED.
DVD Bonus Extra Thing!
Here's a cobbled-together preview of the game from the ZX Spectrum magazine Crash, which shows that the publisher originally wanted to promote Human Killing Machine as the official Street Fighter II. Until higher-up people at Capcom told them to drop dead, presumably.
CATHARSIS ACHIEVED.
DVD Bonus Extra Thing!
Here's a cobbled-together preview of the game from the ZX Spectrum magazine Crash, which shows that the publisher originally wanted to promote Human Killing Machine as the official Street Fighter II. Until higher-up people at Capcom told them to drop dead, presumably.
07 December 2007
Dad, Dad, I can't see the screen Dad
Ugh. These were the most horrible pieces of rip-off tat I've found so far. Ugh.
Thanks to Narcoleptic Insomnia Productions for sending me the games for this review.
I've still got a few Neo Double Games left if you want to buy one. They're the perfect gift for Xmas!*
*This is a lie
08 November 2007
You are getting sleepy...
This should (hopefully) be the last review of anything that has exactly the same insides as the POP Station / Neo Double Games / PolyStation 3.
If you want a Neo Double Games unit, like maybe you have brain damage or something, simply pop over to shop.ashens.com. They're surprisingly expensive!
ALSO: Please stop e-mailing me about the 'Chintendo Vii' and the 'Tilt Angle' - I can't find any to review. Yet. (Although it seems the Vii would cost well over £100 so is out of the question anyway)
If you want a Neo Double Games unit, like maybe you have brain damage or something, simply pop over to shop.ashens.com. They're surprisingly expensive!
ALSO: Please stop e-mailing me about the 'Chintendo Vii' and the 'Tilt Angle' - I can't find any to review. Yet. (Although it seems the Vii would cost well over £100 so is out of the question anyway)
06 October 2007
POPstation: The Revenge
I found another POPstation, with a different game. About submarines and aeroplanes.
This is the only comment I will make on the second half: Yes, there is a prize.
This is the only comment I will make on the second half: Yes, there is a prize.
21 August 2007
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmm
The year is 1988. Gorbachev is initiating perestroika, the UK Government bans TV interviews with IRA members and Anco releases Karting Grand Prix for the Atari ST.
Go Speed Racer!
Go Speed Racer!
15 July 2007
The three-eyed Barbirian saps your will to fight
What's the time, kids? It's 12:11pm GMT. But that also happpens to be time for a return to video reviews of electronic tat!
Worthless DVD-style bonus extra!
As I mention in the video, the interrupting phone call was some double-glazing salesman who was incredibly rude. I tried to stay polite as he arrogantly insinuated that I was lying about the status of my windows, and when I finally raised my voice slightly he simply replied "Fuck you!"
The camcorder was still rolling during the call and after some amplification you can clearly hear my blustering, what-the-fuck-is-going-on-here side of the conversation here. (Clicking noises are guinea pigs drinking, which have been amplified too.)
In other stuffs - I seem to have repeatedly failed to mention that a character based on me appears in a comic book. Issue 4 of 'Superhero University' features Dr. Ashen in 18 separate panels, so therefore must be the best comic book ever that wasn't written by Alan Moore.
Worthless DVD-style bonus extra!
As I mention in the video, the interrupting phone call was some double-glazing salesman who was incredibly rude. I tried to stay polite as he arrogantly insinuated that I was lying about the status of my windows, and when I finally raised my voice slightly he simply replied "Fuck you!"
The camcorder was still rolling during the call and after some amplification you can clearly hear my blustering, what-the-fuck-is-going-on-here side of the conversation here. (Clicking noises are guinea pigs drinking, which have been amplified too.)
In other stuffs - I seem to have repeatedly failed to mention that a character based on me appears in a comic book. Issue 4 of 'Superhero University' features Dr. Ashen in 18 separate panels, so therefore must be the best comic book ever that wasn't written by Alan Moore.
30 April 2007
Yes, I now have worms
Oop, forgot to post my latest review for Gizmodo. It's an exciting plastic rack that almost lets you make crisps in your microwave!
In other news: Trailer Club 70 has had it's video quality updated, which is nice. Although the site seems to be down at the time I'm typing this, which is much less nice.
The Secret Life of Skeletor has been featured on the homepage at Dailymotion, which was a pleasant surprise. In fact, I'm going to post their hosted version of the video below because it's much higher quality than Youtube.
The Secret Life of Skeletor
Uploaded by doctorashen
In other news: Trailer Club 70 has had it's video quality updated, which is nice. Although the site seems to be down at the time I'm typing this, which is much less nice.
The Secret Life of Skeletor has been featured on the homepage at Dailymotion, which was a pleasant surprise. In fact, I'm going to post their hosted version of the video below because it's much higher quality than Youtube.
The Secret Life of Skeletor
Uploaded by doctorashen
Labels: Gizmodo, Review, Site news, Video
15 February 2007
Behold the power of FIFTY GAMES.
Another review in conjunction with Gizmodo, the website that everyone thinks has an "n" in it's name!
This review has earned me many "Diggs" as the thing below shows. Hopefully they can be exchanged for goods, much like the Green Shield Stamps of old.
This review has earned me many "Diggs" as the thing below shows. Hopefully they can be exchanged for goods, much like the Green Shield Stamps of old.
Labels: Gizmodo, Review, Video
13 February 2007
Splash Wave
Look out, kids - it's a review of more horrible electronic tat. It's physically huge, a bright colour, and makes horrible screeching noises. Pretty much like everything from 1989, in fact.
Now to dispose of the damn thing...
Now to dispose of the damn thing...
11 January 2007
Look at what I forgot to do!
I've just realised that I never actually posted a link to the laser pointer review I did months ago for Gizmodo. COMMENCE RECTIFICATION:
Coming soon - A review of a 50-in-1 games thing for Gizmodo. And lots of worthless stuff for no reason whatsoever, of course!
Coming soon - A review of a 50-in-1 games thing for Gizmodo. And lots of worthless stuff for no reason whatsoever, of course!
Labels: Gizmodo, Review, Video
24 October 2006
Show Ryu, Ken!
Hello. How are you? Really? Oh dear... Never mind, keep using the ointment.
Here's a review of some silly toys:
Tedious technical site news:
All movies have been updated and now work with Flash Player 9. SPLENDID.
In an effort to alleviate page refresh problems and improve the stability of the YouTube links, the local address has changed to a different domain. The good news is it shouldn't affect anything much (except perhaps old links to the Cabrinator article). www.ashens.com will now redirect to the dancingyak url. LESS SPLENDID BUT STILL QUITE GOOD I SUPPOSE.
Here's a review of some silly toys:
Tedious technical site news:
All movies have been updated and now work with Flash Player 9. SPLENDID.
In an effort to alleviate page refresh problems and improve the stability of the YouTube links, the local address has changed to a different domain. The good news is it shouldn't affect anything much (except perhaps old links to the Cabrinator article). www.ashens.com will now redirect to the dancingyak url. LESS SPLENDID BUT STILL QUITE GOOD I SUPPOSE.
24 August 2006
12 Muinutes of Ennui
Bad news everyone - I've produced another video review. This one somehow stretches to 12 minutes, and covers a "Digital MP4 Player". Which is a chinese-built device for playing video in incredibly low quality. This one's split into two parts, just like Kill Bill!
If you managed to sit through all that, award yourself 20 Ashen points. Save up 250 points and you can have the Science Fiction author of your choice professionally murdered!*
(*Offer not valid in Ireland. Terry Pratchett costs an extra 25 points as his hat is bulletproof.)
If you managed to sit through all that, award yourself 20 Ashen points. Save up 250 points and you can have the Science Fiction author of your choice professionally murdered!*
(*Offer not valid in Ireland. Terry Pratchett costs an extra 25 points as his hat is bulletproof.)
