18 July 2008
Informatique
DVD SURVEY HERE! PLEASE VOTE
There is much information to be disseminated via the medium of video. Here goes:
Wow, so many links in so little time! The layout of the site has been altered slightly to incorporate the extras in a less silly fashion.
Please vote on the DVD thing using the link above. It will help me immensely, as I need to work out how many of them to have produced. The DVD will feature all my reviews and personal animation-type things along with various exclusive extras and hidden bits (including some stuff I produced which I never uploaded anywhere as it was a bit 'risky'). There will be no director's commentary, I promise. Price will be about £8 / $20 / € 13 including postage.
Also, on the subject of auctions, I'll be starting to stick the stuff I've reviewed on Ebay in a few weeks. I need the cupboard space for my shattered dreams.
ANYWAY. Here's another video, showing footage of me which will actually be broadcast on Satellite TV!
Apparently the CURSE OF ASHEN has since struck XLeague.tv, and they've fired loads of people and have temporarily stopped producing programmes which aren't about "E-Sports". And as "E-Sports" has a potential UK audience of about 132 people, some of which are about to discover girls, it seems highly likely that putting their eggs in that basket will kill them off completely. The sillies.
There is much information to be disseminated via the medium of video. Here goes:
Wow, so many links in so little time! The layout of the site has been altered slightly to incorporate the extras in a less silly fashion.
Please vote on the DVD thing using the link above. It will help me immensely, as I need to work out how many of them to have produced. The DVD will feature all my reviews and personal animation-type things along with various exclusive extras and hidden bits (including some stuff I produced which I never uploaded anywhere as it was a bit 'risky'). There will be no director's commentary, I promise. Price will be about £8 / $20 / € 13 including postage.
Also, on the subject of auctions, I'll be starting to stick the stuff I've reviewed on Ebay in a few weeks. I need the cupboard space for my shattered dreams.
ANYWAY. Here's another video, showing footage of me which will actually be broadcast on Satellite TV!
Apparently the CURSE OF ASHEN has since struck XLeague.tv, and they've fired loads of people and have temporarily stopped producing programmes which aren't about "E-Sports". And as "E-Sports" has a potential UK audience of about 132 people, some of which are about to discover girls, it seems highly likely that putting their eggs in that basket will kill them off completely. The sillies.
15 July 2008
Whither Frankie "Dishpan" Santana?
Insert tired Mr. T cliché here!
I forgot to mention the Spectrum and Amstrad A-Team game, which was an Operation Wolf rip-off. Apparently the Amstrad version featured loads of blood, in direct contrast to the TV show itself.
Interestingly, I noticed in the early YouTube comments for this video that people were surprised I swore a bit. I thought I did that all the time, but looking back at my videos it seems I hardly ever do. WEIRD.
I forgot to mention the Spectrum and Amstrad A-Team game, which was an Operation Wolf rip-off. Apparently the Amstrad version featured loads of blood, in direct contrast to the TV show itself.
Interestingly, I noticed in the early YouTube comments for this video that people were surprised I swore a bit. I thought I did that all the time, but looking back at my videos it seems I hardly ever do. WEIRD.
Labels: Edit / Dub, Video
07 July 2008
Like the proverbial bad penny
The POP Station 'architecture' makes an unwelcome return in the Pro-Pop and "Neo Quad Games" (real name unknown):
Two POP Station clones, a caterpillar, the Godmonster and a whole lotta love. What more do you want, eh?
Oh. Noseybonk. I see.
Two POP Station clones, a caterpillar, the Godmonster and a whole lotta love. What more do you want, eh?
Oh. Noseybonk. I see.
29 June 2008
We paid our fare with a hobo song
I've become a bit obsessed with the world's best mutant sheep, the Godmonster of Indian Flats. The following video is a result.
ALSO: A kindly person with poor taste has set up a Facebook group in my honour, titled "A bunch of people who like Dr. Ashen". My girlfriend claims that no more than 50 people will ever join it. She needs to be proven wrong - I'm sure you understand how important that is.
ALSO: A kindly person with poor taste has set up a Facebook group in my honour, titled "A bunch of people who like Dr. Ashen". My girlfriend claims that no more than 50 people will ever join it. She needs to be proven wrong - I'm sure you understand how important that is.
Labels: Edit / Dub, Parody, Video
10 June 2008
It conquered the world!
In association with Trailer Club 70...
Bonus feature! Look in the bottom right-hand corner of the frame at 3:12 - you can see the puppeteer's arm.
Bonus feature! Look in the bottom right-hand corner of the frame at 3:12 - you can see the puppeteer's arm.
Labels: Video
05 June 2008
I fought the controls, and the controls won
It's a review of a horrid Guitar Hero rip-off! Rock on!
Rock off, more like.
Rock off, more like.
19 May 2008
Buy squashed corn!
Doritos, the triangular snack people, recently ran a competition for people to make a 29 second TV advert for their wares. I dusted off everybody's least favourite hen-pecked husband, Henry Pickles, for this slightly odd effort:
If you don't completely despise it, why not head over to YouTube and rate it before leaving a nice comment? If enough people do that it may not fail as badly as I predict!
If you don't completely despise it, why not head over to YouTube and rate it before leaving a nice comment? If enough people do that it may not fail as badly as I predict!
15 May 2008
The All New POP Station Show!
Many people have e-mailed me to advise that a current UK advert for Dairylea cheese-type-stuff features a POP Station. By using the dark powers of the Internet I've extracted this screen cap showing it:
Judging by the position of the controls and screen, it isn't actually a POP Station but a less authentic-looking PSP rip-off. The screen also appears to be grey, implying that it's a normal LCD display. The closest thing to that shape I've seen was a portable Sudoku player - but your guess is as good as mine.
Whatever it is, I'll bet it doesn't justify wearing huge headphones like that. "Wow, these monophonic bleeps sound so clear!"
In other news - I've removed the Ashen Action Figure advert from YouTube as the auction has now ended. Many, many thanks to all bidders - especially the ones who won (and therefore sent me money).
In the unlikely event that you'd still like to see the advert, I've stuck it on Revver as you can see below.
Judging by the position of the controls and screen, it isn't actually a POP Station but a less authentic-looking PSP rip-off. The screen also appears to be grey, implying that it's a normal LCD display. The closest thing to that shape I've seen was a portable Sudoku player - but your guess is as good as mine.
Whatever it is, I'll bet it doesn't justify wearing huge headphones like that. "Wow, these monophonic bleeps sound so clear!"
In other news - I've removed the Ashen Action Figure advert from YouTube as the auction has now ended. Many, many thanks to all bidders - especially the ones who won (and therefore sent me money).
In the unlikely event that you'd still like to see the advert, I've stuck it on Revver as you can see below.
10 May 2008
Noseybonk - Still Returning
Good ol' Nosey is spending some time in the kitchen, with delicious results:
Yum!
Yum!
03 May 2008
Bizarre Quasi-Merchandising of the Month Club
I've finally caved to the repeated e-mails from people asking where they can buy one of the action figures featured in an old video, and made ten more of the bearded monsters. Point your eyes towards this limited-edition advert (use of ears is also advised):
So, in the immensely unlikely event that you want one, run over to auction.ashens.com which attempts to sort out an Ebay link suitable to your current position on the planet.
In other things, it's the start of the month so Trailer Club 70 has been updated again. And I actually remembered to mention it here for once!
So, in the immensely unlikely event that you want one, run over to auction.ashens.com which attempts to sort out an Ebay link suitable to your current position on the planet.
In other things, it's the start of the month so Trailer Club 70 has been updated again. And I actually remembered to mention it here for once!
01 May 2008
Arse Zone, more like! Hahahaha!
It's our old friends Tiger Electronics again...
And if that wasn't painful enough, here's a bit more:
In a word: Ugh.
And if that wasn't painful enough, here's a bit more:
In a word: Ugh.
24 April 2008
Faster, faster, faster, SPEED
Let's lay this blighter to rest! Quickest Game Overs Ever Part 2:
Please note that the raft of grotesque video effects were an aesthetic choice, and in no way an attempt to conceal a major flaw in the original footage...
Please note that the raft of grotesque video effects were an aesthetic choice, and in no way an attempt to conceal a major flaw in the original footage...
28 March 2008
You Sillier Outlaw
Noseybonk has returned in his first outing for over twenty years: "Fridge."
I've had several e-mails from adults who said that the teaser trailer gave them nightmares, so I hope this actual episode doesn't push them into therapy...
I'm currently putting together a proper site for Good ol' Nosey, with suitably eerie desktop wallpapers and stuff. Stay tuned! (and hiding behind the sofa)
I've had several e-mails from adults who said that the teaser trailer gave them nightmares, so I hope this actual episode doesn't push them into therapy...
I'm currently putting together a proper site for Good ol' Nosey, with suitably eerie desktop wallpapers and stuff. Stay tuned! (and hiding behind the sofa)
15 March 2008
Faster, Pussycat
Just how quick is quick?
And now the hunt is on for the quickest game over ever! Only commercial games count and joke games are omitted. So no Flash games such as Cursor Thief, no deliberately difficult stuff like Soybon Action, and no comedy semi-games like Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
After tip-offs from viewers I'm investigating the following:
ECW Hardcore Revolution (PS1)
Karateka (NES)
Frontier: Elite 2 (Amiga)
Jurassic Park (SNES)
Action 52: Starevil (NES)
Action 52: Micro Mike (NES)
Leisure Suit Larry (PC / Amiga / ST / Everybloodything)
Transformers (NES)
I should have thought of Frontier and Leisure Suit Larry myself. Anyway, FURTHER INVESTIGATION AND UNNECESSARY CAPITALISATION TO COME!
And now the hunt is on for the quickest game over ever! Only commercial games count and joke games are omitted. So no Flash games such as Cursor Thief, no deliberately difficult stuff like Soybon Action, and no comedy semi-games like Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
After tip-offs from viewers I'm investigating the following:
ECW Hardcore Revolution (PS1)
Karateka (NES)
Frontier: Elite 2 (Amiga)
Jurassic Park (SNES)
Action 52: Starevil (NES)
Action 52: Micro Mike (NES)
Leisure Suit Larry (PC / Amiga / ST / Everybloodything)
Transformers (NES)
I should have thought of Frontier and Leisure Suit Larry myself. Anyway, FURTHER INVESTIGATION AND UNNECESSARY CAPITALISATION TO COME!
Labels: Video
13 March 2008
Did he ever really leave you?
He's back. Oh, how he's back.
Noseybonk was a bizarrely eerie character from Jigsaw, a 1980's kids TV show. He's one of those childhood things that few people remember until you show them a picture, then they say "OH MY GOD I REMEMBER HIM!" and hide behind the sofa in a foetal position. For the next three weeks.
I'm going to produce a series of videos based around him because I missed him so. The first one is due on 27th March, as you probably guessed.
Noseybonk was a bizarrely eerie character from Jigsaw, a 1980's kids TV show. He's one of those childhood things that few people remember until you show them a picture, then they say "OH MY GOD I REMEMBER HIM!" and hide behind the sofa in a foetal position. For the next three weeks.
I'm going to produce a series of videos based around him because I missed him so. The first one is due on 27th March, as you probably guessed.
18 February 2008
An exciting meal has been ruined by the presence of this...
I've already had e-mails from people wanting to buy a clearly fake action figure.
I don't know why the video quality is so low - I used the same settings as always. I'll try a different format next time.
As an added bonus-y thing, here's the Liquid Filth song on it's own in higher quality!
I might sort out an mp3 download for the extras page later.
I don't know why the video quality is so low - I used the same settings as always. I'll try a different format next time.
As an added bonus-y thing, here's the Liquid Filth song on it's own in higher quality!
I might sort out an mp3 download for the extras page later.
Labels: Video
12 February 2008
I am not Lovejoy
Look out, it's me talking into the camera.
Try not to notice how I get the movies 'Rebel Without a Cause' and 'The Wild One' mixed up...
Try not to notice how I get the movies 'Rebel Without a Cause' and 'The Wild One' mixed up...
Labels: Video
06 February 2008
Veni et Vidi Vii
Chintendo Vii review! Woo! I mean, Voo!
Since procuring the dreaded Vii incurred a HARSH FINANCIAL PENALTY, I've used it to the max by putting together a further review of the "VC-1" games cartridge that came with it:
And that's not all! In the unlikely event that you're not thoroughly sick of my voice by now, there's even some unused footage!
These two videos are available at my new 'DVD Extras' style thing, extras.ashens.com.
Now, what to do with the Vii? I usually keep the things I review, but this was just too damned expensive. If you're interested in buying it for some reason - e-mail me. Perhaps I can set up a silent auction, or even a Chinese auction. Or something.
Since procuring the dreaded Vii incurred a HARSH FINANCIAL PENALTY, I've used it to the max by putting together a further review of the "VC-1" games cartridge that came with it:
And that's not all! In the unlikely event that you're not thoroughly sick of my voice by now, there's even some unused footage!
These two videos are available at my new 'DVD Extras' style thing, extras.ashens.com.
Now, what to do with the Vii? I usually keep the things I review, but this was just too damned expensive. If you're interested in buying it for some reason - e-mail me. Perhaps I can set up a silent auction, or even a Chinese auction. Or something.
14 January 2008
A la recherche du temps perdu
I've uploaded some old videos that may be of vague interest - kind of like web-based DVD extras, or something.
The first is an unused scene from my Gamespower 50 Review, which features the built-in game Sky Mission:
The second is a fairly crappy animation I made 18 years ago on an Atari ST:
Crikey, 18 years. Time flies like an arrow! (Fruit flies like a banana)
The first is an unused scene from my Gamespower 50 Review, which features the built-in game Sky Mission:
The second is a fairly crappy animation I made 18 years ago on an Atari ST:
Crikey, 18 years. Time flies like an arrow! (Fruit flies like a banana)
19 December 2007
Kwon is strong
I've been wanting to rip this piece of hideous crap to pieces since I spent £10 on it fifteen years ago.
CATHARSIS ACHIEVED.
DVD Bonus Extra Thing!
Here's a cobbled-together preview of the game from the ZX Spectrum magazine Crash, which shows that the publisher originally wanted to promote Human Killing Machine as the official Street Fighter II. Until higher-up people at Capcom told them to drop dead, presumably.
CATHARSIS ACHIEVED.
DVD Bonus Extra Thing!
Here's a cobbled-together preview of the game from the ZX Spectrum magazine Crash, which shows that the publisher originally wanted to promote Human Killing Machine as the official Street Fighter II. Until higher-up people at Capcom told them to drop dead, presumably.
07 December 2007
Dad, Dad, I can't see the screen Dad
Ugh. These were the most horrible pieces of rip-off tat I've found so far. Ugh.
Thanks to Narcoleptic Insomnia Productions for sending me the games for this review.
I've still got a few Neo Double Games left if you want to buy one. They're the perfect gift for Xmas!*
*This is a lie
01 December 2007
Recap! Cap! Cap!
Now that Crap Comics Month is nothing more than a painful memory, here's a recap of the most interesting thing from last month that you may have missed: Gunstorm!
It is a music video that I made for a song. You've probably guessed that by now.
As a pointless 'DVD Extra' style bonus, here are some scenes which weren't used in the final cut:
It is a music video that I made for a song. You've probably guessed that by now.
As a pointless 'DVD Extra' style bonus, here are some scenes which weren't used in the final cut:
19 November 2007
You can rescue the Galaxy
Gosh! It's a music video I made for the song 'Gunstorm' by Steven McLachlan!
The song is a parody of eighties' kids TV themes (think Pole Position, Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors, Ulysses 31 etc) and the video itself is a parody of Star Fleet, Terrahawks and to a lesser extent Fireball XL5 and Thunderbirds.
The song is available on iTunes here, and you can download a demo of the PC game Gunstorm 2 here.
NOTE: The video is also viewable at YouTube on Steven McLachlan's own channel. Please stop e-mailing me saying he stole it - he didn't, he's the singer!
Here's an announcement video I made for it:
The song is a parody of eighties' kids TV themes (think Pole Position, Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors, Ulysses 31 etc) and the video itself is a parody of Star Fleet, Terrahawks and to a lesser extent Fireball XL5 and Thunderbirds.
The song is available on iTunes here, and you can download a demo of the PC game Gunstorm 2 here.
NOTE: The video is also viewable at YouTube on Steven McLachlan's own channel. Please stop e-mailing me saying he stole it - he didn't, he's the singer!
Here's an announcement video I made for it:
08 November 2007
You are getting sleepy...
This should (hopefully) be the last review of anything that has exactly the same insides as the POP Station / Neo Double Games / PolyStation 3.
If you want a Neo Double Games unit, like maybe you have brain damage or something, simply pop over to shop.ashens.com. They're surprisingly expensive!
ALSO: Please stop e-mailing me about the 'Chintendo Vii' and the 'Tilt Angle' - I can't find any to review. Yet. (Although it seems the Vii would cost well over £100 so is out of the question anyway)
If you want a Neo Double Games unit, like maybe you have brain damage or something, simply pop over to shop.ashens.com. They're surprisingly expensive!
ALSO: Please stop e-mailing me about the 'Chintendo Vii' and the 'Tilt Angle' - I can't find any to review. Yet. (Although it seems the Vii would cost well over £100 so is out of the question anyway)
31 October 2007
Drawn to Death
Starting tomorrow and finishing on 30th November this site will feature a new, original, and almost certainly awful comic strip each day. The vast majority have been produced by me, with a few submissions from willing volunteers.
FAQ:
Q: Will video production will continue as normal over this period?
A: Yes.
Q: Can you draw?
A: Not really.
K: Shouldn't this sentence have a Q in front of it?
A: Yes.
Labels: Comic, Site news, Video
20 October 2007
Monkey, head, tree, YouTube
I thought it was about time I put Poor Monkey on YouTube. Is it really suitable for a video sharing audience? Maybe not, as it's all scene setting until halfway through, by which time many casual viewers may have stopped watching. Oh well, here goes...
Perhaps I should have mentioned that this was on proper TV once!
Ultra-High-Quality-Mega Version can be found here.
Perhaps I should have mentioned that this was on proper TV once!
Ultra-High-Quality-Mega Version can be found here.
06 October 2007
POPstation: The Revenge
I found another POPstation, with a different game. About submarines and aeroplanes.
This is the only comment I will make on the second half: Yes, there is a prize.
This is the only comment I will make on the second half: Yes, there is a prize.
22 August 2007
Now see this
Have a look at this excellently spooky short film:
(Do try and watch it in Quicktime if possible - the Flash version has corrupt sound for some reason. I've removed the embedded version as it seemed to cause problems for some people.)
It was made by my long-time friend and occasional 3D graphics accomplice Joachim. He's always producing little animations for his own amusement, but I believe this is the first time he's actually put something on the Internet. And because he's Swedish, it features a naked lady!
Interpretation? I think it's saying that if you hand control of your life over to others you end up cold, alone and stuck.
Or that you shouldn't volunteer to stand under weird machinery.
(Do try and watch it in Quicktime if possible - the Flash version has corrupt sound for some reason. I've removed the embedded version as it seemed to cause problems for some people.)
It was made by my long-time friend and occasional 3D graphics accomplice Joachim. He's always producing little animations for his own amusement, but I believe this is the first time he's actually put something on the Internet. And because he's Swedish, it features a naked lady!
Interpretation? I think it's saying that if you hand control of your life over to others you end up cold, alone and stuck.
Or that you shouldn't volunteer to stand under weird machinery.
Labels: Video
21 August 2007
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmm
The year is 1988. Gorbachev is initiating perestroika, the UK Government bans TV interviews with IRA members and Anco releases Karting Grand Prix for the Atari ST.
Go Speed Racer!
Go Speed Racer!
24 July 2007
So, where does the earth go after it's been drilled through?
What's that coming over the hill? Is it a sequel? Is it a sequel?
Sadly, yes. The Secret Life of Skeletor 2: Electric Boogaloo...
Sadly, yes. The Secret Life of Skeletor 2: Electric Boogaloo...
Labels: Edit / Dub, Parody, Video
15 July 2007
The three-eyed Barbirian saps your will to fight
What's the time, kids? It's 12:11pm GMT. But that also happpens to be time for a return to video reviews of electronic tat!
Worthless DVD-style bonus extra!
As I mention in the video, the interrupting phone call was some double-glazing salesman who was incredibly rude. I tried to stay polite as he arrogantly insinuated that I was lying about the status of my windows, and when I finally raised my voice slightly he simply replied "Fuck you!"
The camcorder was still rolling during the call and after some amplification you can clearly hear my blustering, what-the-fuck-is-going-on-here side of the conversation here. (Clicking noises are guinea pigs drinking, which have been amplified too.)
In other stuffs - I seem to have repeatedly failed to mention that a character based on me appears in a comic book. Issue 4 of 'Superhero University' features Dr. Ashen in 18 separate panels, so therefore must be the best comic book ever that wasn't written by Alan Moore.
Worthless DVD-style bonus extra!
As I mention in the video, the interrupting phone call was some double-glazing salesman who was incredibly rude. I tried to stay polite as he arrogantly insinuated that I was lying about the status of my windows, and when I finally raised my voice slightly he simply replied "Fuck you!"
The camcorder was still rolling during the call and after some amplification you can clearly hear my blustering, what-the-fuck-is-going-on-here side of the conversation here. (Clicking noises are guinea pigs drinking, which have been amplified too.)
In other stuffs - I seem to have repeatedly failed to mention that a character based on me appears in a comic book. Issue 4 of 'Superhero University' features Dr. Ashen in 18 separate panels, so therefore must be the best comic book ever that wasn't written by Alan Moore.
16 June 2007
God, I hate "Reality" TV
12 June 2007
I'd better shape up
I can't believe nobody has done this before, but I can't find any other versions on the net so here goes:
Olivia Newton John and John Travolta dubbed with the far superior cover version of 'You're the One That I Want' performed by Arthur Mullard and Hylda Baker.
EDIT: Have re-encoded the video. It's now lower quality, but the lipsync is much better and there are play controls. Click on the little 'play' triangle to start, obviously.
Why haven't I put this on Youtube? Because it would be pulled by lawyers in about 25 seconds, apparently.
Also: I finally decided to put some photos up on Flickr, which can be accessed here. The descriptions feature 97% more poetry than most!
Olivia Newton John and John Travolta dubbed with the far superior cover version of 'You're the One That I Want' performed by Arthur Mullard and Hylda Baker.
EDIT: Have re-encoded the video. It's now lower quality, but the lipsync is much better and there are play controls. Click on the little 'play' triangle to start, obviously.
Why haven't I put this on Youtube? Because it would be pulled by lawyers in about 25 seconds, apparently.
Also: I finally decided to put some photos up on Flickr, which can be accessed here. The descriptions feature 97% more poetry than most!
Labels: Edit / Dub, Photo, Video
30 April 2007
Yes, I now have worms
Oop, forgot to post my latest review for Gizmodo. It's an exciting plastic rack that almost lets you make crisps in your microwave!
In other news: Trailer Club 70 has had it's video quality updated, which is nice. Although the site seems to be down at the time I'm typing this, which is much less nice.
The Secret Life of Skeletor has been featured on the homepage at Dailymotion, which was a pleasant surprise. In fact, I'm going to post their hosted version of the video below because it's much higher quality than Youtube.
The Secret Life of Skeletor
Uploaded by doctorashen
In other news: Trailer Club 70 has had it's video quality updated, which is nice. Although the site seems to be down at the time I'm typing this, which is much less nice.
The Secret Life of Skeletor has been featured on the homepage at Dailymotion, which was a pleasant surprise. In fact, I'm going to post their hosted version of the video below because it's much higher quality than Youtube.
The Secret Life of Skeletor
Uploaded by doctorashen
Labels: Gizmodo, Review, Site news, Video
24 April 2007
So whose side was Zordak on anyway?
It's an all-new thing!
In other news -Trailer Club 70 will be undergoing an upgrade in the next couple of days which will greatly improve the video quality of the trailers on offer. Smashing!
In other news -Trailer Club 70 will be undergoing an upgrade in the next couple of days which will greatly improve the video quality of the trailers on offer. Smashing!
Labels: Edit / Dub, Parody, Video
01 April 2007
Come join the club, the Trailer Club
Using my brain and hands, I've made a new website!
It's dedicated to trailers of really strange films from the seventies. And sixties. And sometimes the early eighties.
Also: An upgrade at Blogger has fudged up the website design. I'm on it.
It's dedicated to trailers of really strange films from the seventies. And sixties. And sometimes the early eighties.
Also: An upgrade at Blogger has fudged up the website design. I'm on it.
Labels: Article, Site news, Video
19 March 2007
The oven is on fire
I didn't make this, but I felt the need to post it somewhere. It is an exploration of genuine fear at a traumatic event, followed by the ultimate outcome of the trauma...
Oh, all right, I was lying. It was just that the shrieking and voice at the end made me laugh.
Oh, all right, I was lying. It was just that the shrieking and voice at the end made me laugh.
Labels: Video
15 February 2007
Behold the power of FIFTY GAMES.
Another review in conjunction with Gizmodo, the website that everyone thinks has an "n" in it's name!
This review has earned me many "Diggs" as the thing below shows. Hopefully they can be exchanged for goods, much like the Green Shield Stamps of old.
This review has earned me many "Diggs" as the thing below shows. Hopefully they can be exchanged for goods, much like the Green Shield Stamps of old.
Labels: Gizmodo, Review, Video
13 February 2007
Splash Wave
Look out, kids - it's a review of more horrible electronic tat. It's physically huge, a bright colour, and makes horrible screeching noises. Pretty much like everything from 1989, in fact.
Now to dispose of the damn thing...
Now to dispose of the damn thing...
15 January 2007
Tufty the Squirrel is very naughty.
"What's the time, Mister Wolf?"
"It's new video thing time. Grrrr!"
Warning: Not suitable for work. Or pretty much anywhere else, due to STRONG NAUGHTY CONTENT.
I've been waiting ages to get all five Tufty public information films in high quality so I could make something like this. Turns out they weren't high quality enough for what I had in mind and some scenes suffer as a result. But hey, at least it's extremely rude!
"It's new video thing time. Grrrr!"
Warning: Not suitable for work. Or pretty much anywhere else, due to STRONG NAUGHTY CONTENT.
I've been waiting ages to get all five Tufty public information films in high quality so I could make something like this. Turns out they weren't high quality enough for what I had in mind and some scenes suffer as a result. But hey, at least it's extremely rude!
Labels: Edit / Dub, Parody, Video
11 January 2007
Look at what I forgot to do!
I've just realised that I never actually posted a link to the laser pointer review I did months ago for Gizmodo. COMMENCE RECTIFICATION:
Coming soon - A review of a 50-in-1 games thing for Gizmodo. And lots of worthless stuff for no reason whatsoever, of course!
Coming soon - A review of a 50-in-1 games thing for Gizmodo. And lots of worthless stuff for no reason whatsoever, of course!
Labels: Gizmodo, Review, Video
16 December 2006
"If you work in marketing, kill yourself."
Did you see the appalling fake fansite that Sony had put together to sell their PSP thingy? It's been removed now after a backlash of hatred from about 73% of the Earth's population, but a handy copy is kept here with the offending videos backed up here and here.
The marketing company responsible is called "Zipatoni", and they appear to specialise in devaluing society by posing as fans of the companies they work for. Can anyone think of a more soulless, dehumanising and viciously amoral way to sell crap? If so, there's a job in marketing just waiting for you!
But worst of all, they refer to themselves as "Brand Evangelists" on their site. Just reading that phrase makes me die a little inside. I sincerely hope that everyone at Zipatoni dies screaming in agony, as their children look on laughing.
Anyway, I managed to snag the UK version of their domain, and threw together a parody site. Here it is: www.alliwantforxmasisapsp.co.uk
Be the first to see it, before all the identikit gaming news sites link to it and fail to understand the obvious joke!
The marketing company responsible is called "Zipatoni", and they appear to specialise in devaluing society by posing as fans of the companies they work for. Can anyone think of a more soulless, dehumanising and viciously amoral way to sell crap? If so, there's a job in marketing just waiting for you!
But worst of all, they refer to themselves as "Brand Evangelists" on their site. Just reading that phrase makes me die a little inside. I sincerely hope that everyone at Zipatoni dies screaming in agony, as their children look on laughing.
Anyway, I managed to snag the UK version of their domain, and threw together a parody site. Here it is: www.alliwantforxmasisapsp.co.uk
Be the first to see it, before all the identikit gaming news sites link to it and fail to understand the obvious joke!
24 October 2006
Show Ryu, Ken!
Hello. How are you? Really? Oh dear... Never mind, keep using the ointment.
Here's a review of some silly toys:
Tedious technical site news:
All movies have been updated and now work with Flash Player 9. SPLENDID.
In an effort to alleviate page refresh problems and improve the stability of the YouTube links, the local address has changed to a different domain. The good news is it shouldn't affect anything much (except perhaps old links to the Cabrinator article). www.ashens.com will now redirect to the dancingyak url. LESS SPLENDID BUT STILL QUITE GOOD I SUPPOSE.
Here's a review of some silly toys:
Tedious technical site news:
All movies have been updated and now work with Flash Player 9. SPLENDID.
In an effort to alleviate page refresh problems and improve the stability of the YouTube links, the local address has changed to a different domain. The good news is it shouldn't affect anything much (except perhaps old links to the Cabrinator article). www.ashens.com will now redirect to the dancingyak url. LESS SPLENDID BUT STILL QUITE GOOD I SUPPOSE.
13 October 2006
An Important Message for all Gentlefolk
24 August 2006
12 Muinutes of Ennui
Bad news everyone - I've produced another video review. This one somehow stretches to 12 minutes, and covers a "Digital MP4 Player". Which is a chinese-built device for playing video in incredibly low quality. This one's split into two parts, just like Kill Bill!
If you managed to sit through all that, award yourself 20 Ashen points. Save up 250 points and you can have the Science Fiction author of your choice professionally murdered!*
(*Offer not valid in Ireland. Terry Pratchett costs an extra 25 points as his hat is bulletproof.)
If you managed to sit through all that, award yourself 20 Ashen points. Save up 250 points and you can have the Science Fiction author of your choice professionally murdered!*
(*Offer not valid in Ireland. Terry Pratchett costs an extra 25 points as his hat is bulletproof.)
11 August 2006
Please, stay on the line
Here's something I made the other morning to amuse my nephew:
I'm now off to sulk because b3ta bizarrely referred to me as "Dancing Yak" in their newsletter, and my girlfriend keeps taking the piss as a result. Bah.
I'm now off to sulk because b3ta bizarrely referred to me as "Dancing Yak" in their newsletter, and my girlfriend keeps taking the piss as a result. Bah.
Labels: Edit / Dub, Parody, Video
